Ho, ho, HOLD UP.

I wanted to write a really helpful post about how to deal with the anxiety that social eating can cause as a fat person, over the holiday period. I really did. But I've come to accept that my only advice is getting that shit shut down.

I had my works Christmas meal a couple of days ago and I noticed when the dessert arrived it was like the fox in the hen coop. Suddenly there was a bustle at the table of people clammering to share their desserts, they simply couldn't eat it all, and Oh! I don't think I want it now. Hmm maybe. No!

To the point where I simply banged my hands on the table and told them all to eat their fucking puddings, or don't, and to stop making a big bloody deal. I'm here for the sole purpose of eating with these people. I don't need to hear this crap.

I know that, certainly as an adult, I've been very lucky in that I haven't had anyone policing the food I eat at these gatherings. I'm sure there was the questioning brow and derisive comment as a young child, but if there was I've simply forgotten. But I know I am lucky in that respect and that this is a very real issue for many fellow fats this Christmas.

I guess the purpose of this post was for me to reach out, and to say that you don't deserve to have your choices questioned, your body made public property for all to comment on. I fully appreciate that it is difficult for a lot of people to challenge this, for a lot of reasons. But as long as you realise that you are beautiful, you are worthwhile, and that these people and their negativity can go sit on chair of up-turned plugs, you'll be ok.

I've always used humour as a tool to deal with my fat-shamers. Outsmart them. Embaress them. See how they like it. Chances are they'll feel like a big pile of..Christmas logs..when being shown up in front of a table full of people and they'll be less likely to do it again.

If you have one particular member of the family who is a repeat offender you could always appeal to their human side and speak to them before the occasion. Let them know how you feel. Speak to them afterwards and have some positive discourse. It doesn't always have to be bad!

If you have a flare for the dramatics, as I certainly do, you can always just dump your dinner on their plate and leave with the gateaux.

But ok, joking aside, and I know this is a garbled mess of a post, but I need to say it again

YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS CRAP SO DON'T TAKE IT. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S FAMILY IN FACT THEY SHOULD BE THE ONES CARING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND SUPPORTING YOU.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you have a great time and enjoy yourself. 

OOTD: Work goth;Chrismas party edition.

Sometimes the planets align and everything seems to fall into place.
This isn't a sentence that could describe my year, however I did manage to find myself a little luck this week. Take a dress you've been eyeing for ages, add a half price sale and finish with a gift voucher with enough money to cover it all and voila! One Christmas party dress!

I spotted this Velour Skater dress in my local Marks and Spencers but given that I've been off work for nearly four months I'm pretty brassic right now. I managed to pick it up for half price. The dress is amazing! The quality of the fabric is excellent and the fit is a dream. It's actually a size 22 so while it's figure hugging (I'm a 26) it's also pretty generous if it can accomdate me so well! As it's a couple of sizes smaller it sits a little higher up my leg than what I'm used to, but it's so comfy I didn't feel self concious at all.

Feeling like a 90's goth dream I felt it was only appropriate to wear my massive clompers from back in the day when I used to go clubbing in Manchesters alt-bars and clubs. With a whopping 5 1/4 inch platform my Demonia Dynamite Mary-Janes make me feel..well..like dynamite.

As it's Christmas I cracked out my special sparkles, matching my green jewellery to my green eyeshadow.

Make up is Barry M dazzle dusts (the numbers have worn off but essentially a bright green and a darker green) and lipstick is Velvet Lip Laquer in Kooky by MUA. I finished this off with a large purple hair flower.

Hope you're all enjoying your festive parties! xoxo

Anniversary bliss

At the beginning of the month it was my 3 year anniversary with my partner. We’ve never really celebrated our anniversaries but this year has been an exceptionally tough one for us and I felt that it was an important one and we should celebrate it in some way.

After a night of pizza and bubbly (non-alcoholic as the boy is straight edge) we got up and headed on down to London for the night. Our hotel was smack bang in the middle of Leicester Square so everything we wanted to see was close by. We dumped out bags and freshened up, which was enough time to grab a bathroom selfie because I was loving my hair, before heading out. 

As we were heading to a show later that evening I wanted to wear something that was comfy but cute enough to transition into the evening. A couple of weeks ago I picked up the New Look Inspire tartan pencil skirt in black. As much as I adore pencil skirts I'm very belly heavy and it's something I'm quite self concious about, so I tend to avoid them. What can I say? I LOVE this skirt. The material is thick withouth being heavy and feels comfy and secure on. The print is gorgeous. It's a little more muted than a lot of tartan which makes it easy to wear with a variety of things. I opted for an old faithful long sleeve top for a more simple look. I teamed this with my old studded creepers, again from New Look. 

If I were to make one criticism I would say that it's bobbled quite easily on the side where I wear my handbags and considering this is the third time I've worn it I was disappointed to feel the material. 

Here's a later shot I took of the skirt when I got home to give you a better idea.

We headed over to the National Portrait Gallery and checked out some of the Tudor exhibitions and Grayson Perry’s phenomenal giant tapestry for the Who Am I? series. Sadly my back was hurting me and I needed to ration my spoons out for the trip so we had to cut the gallery time a little to fit the rest of the day in. We strolled around Covent Garden before heading over to our favourite veggie/vegan chinese buffet in Camden and had our fill on their all you can eat before walking it off round Camden market. 

Then it was time for our show. We made our way to Cecil Sharp House for an evening with one of our favourite bands, Moulettes. We'd seen them earlier in the week in Milton Keynes where, after chatting to them after the show, I was very kindly put on the guest list for the London show. Pretty rock nd roll, huh? The evening was sublime with the perfect mix of lots of Chrismas lights, beautiful music and a wonderful atmosphere. After the show we were kindly invited to join some of them in the pub where I got to have a beer with the bassist from Mumford and Sons. Only in London, right?

What a perfect way to spend a week. Eating in one of your favourite places, watching one of your favourite bands play and afterwards relaxing in the pub with them afterwards!

Hope you all had a great weekend! xoxo

So Daring!

If it wasn't already obvious I'm a budget kinda gal and right now money is tighter than ever. But sometimes you need a treat to keep you smilin'. For years I'd kind of avoided wearing lipstick. Even as a teenager I hated the feeling on my lips and ended up wiping it off after about an hour.

I feel ya, kid.

But since hitting my late twenties, and admittedly a little late to the gane, I discovered the joy of matte lipstick. I was treated to M.A.C Ruby Woo by an old boyfriend and now I haven't looked back.
Of course my budget right now does not have room for such luxuries. But my problems were solved when Make Up Acacemy (MUA) introduced their Velvet Lip Lacquer into the MUA Luxe range. I was in love and for £3 it was a total bargain! Back when they first came out I picked up three from the original range; Kooky, Reckless, and Funk
But recently MUA brought some more shades out and I treated myself to Dare.

Image taken from muastore.co.uk

The packaging is nice and simple but looks good; a frosted glass tube and the branding on the cap in gold. The applicator is like what you would find with most lip glosses. Similar to a lip gloss when you apply it but it then dries matte.

Like most mattes I've used you have to put a little prep into your lips. A little exfoliation and some balm helps to create a smoother application. One thing I've found is that they can latch onto chapped skin and crumble. But once it's on then it's ON. It's kiss-proof and has great staying power. But how does it fair with food and drink? 

Image taken post-pasty destruction

In the photo I am pouting slightly to show that there was some smuging it wasn't a great deal. It was nothing more than I would have expected and certainly less than a glossier number. 

So while I wouldn't recommend leaving it at home I think it's just one minor issue compared to a lot of positives. The colour is rich and well pigmented, application is easy, comes nicely packaged and did I mention it was £3?! So cheap! 

Are there any colours you love in their range? Have you tried them out? I'd love to know what you think! 

Kerry.

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Taking up space.

Recently New Look announced that they would be pulling the Inspire range from a number of their stores across the country. The reason? To make space.

Understandably, and myself among them, many people were outraged and took to social media to make their feelings known. There was a some back peddling on New Looks part and some ranges would not be pulled, such as the Oxford Street store. However that's all well and good for Londoners, but what about those of us in smaller towns with even less choice for shopping?

I'll be honest, I slowly stopped shopping instore with New Look some time ago. Every time I went in I felt myself becoming angry for many reasons. Firstly, nine times out fo ten, the range of pieces is VERY limited, with some stores having maybe one or two rails on offer and often the rails were a MESS. Clearly no one was invested in making this section presentable and atractive. Which I suppose lends itself to the attitude that New Look seem to have towards the plus size shopper. I stopped going because I would legitimatly spoil my day.
Here it was obvious that this company, and many others, simply don't care about fat people. The clothes are drab and thoughtless, the sections are hidden away and extremely limited, and often an unkempt mess mixed in with maternity wear and stuck at the back of the store.

Artists impression of a typical Inspire section

So when New Look made their announcement it was the final straw. I was baffled at how a comany can claim they need to make space in their stores when the Inspire range took up virtually no space anyway. New Look are happy to take our money but they don't want us taking up space in their stores.

So what to do? Immediatly my thoughts turned to boycotting New Look. There are plenty of brands out there that have good relationships with their customers and actually care about the clothes they produce. But then I realised that as someone who is not exactly flush with cash my options suddenly became much less. Being fat is limiting, being fat and poor is something else. I live vicariously through the beautiful bloggers in their gorgeous Simply Be and Anna Scholtz pieces but the fact of the matter, for me, is that I'm stuck on high street. So am I really in a position to stop shopping in places that limit me when I'm already down to a few choices?

The sad fact is most of us who canot afford the more expensive brands are in a bind. We have to put up or shut up.

So I've been on a bit of a hiatus..

When I started fatshion blogging it was on the heels of an eye opening day at my first Plus North in 2013. I was flattered to have so many people encourage me to start because they really dug my look. It worked hand in hand with my ever developing interest in fat politics and fat visibility. I was intrigued to explore the concept of being a visible fat person and focusing on the clothes I wore, the way I looked.

My armor.

Through that I have met a lot of great people whom I would not have otherwise met. But I know that I haven’t jumped in with both feet. I know that I’m sitting against the wall at the dance here. I found keeping up with trends, hell being into the trends to begin with, difficult. Often I didn’t have the time to take the picture. Even more I found that with my job as a carer I was not wearing anything worth talking about and when I wasn’t at work I was in my comfy, slobbing out clothes.

Then I injured my back and have since been on long term sick. For many weeks I wasn’t even able to get out of bed, let alone get dressed. When I was up and about all I wanted was the bare minimum that was acceptable for when I hobbled outside on my crutch. Blogging ideas dissipated through my painkiller haze.

What started out as a potential for adventure very quickly became a chore. I felt I was missing the mark. It seemed to snowball very quickly considering that I have blogged for little.

Then I saw a post by my friend Elena where she touched upon something briefly here that I too had been thinking about. Fashion blogging is about YOU. What you like, what makes you tick, what you enjoy and mostly what you look like. Why should I try to be something that I’m not?

No wonder this was all such hard work for me. It wasn’t in any way authentic to me.  

Plus North 2014; a belated catch up.

Much like the majority of the fat blogging community who attended I had every intention of writing up about my experience of Plus North 2014. However I found myself being admitted to hospital two days after my return from Leeds and the hospital didn't have wifi (I know, the horror of it all.).
I hurt my back, tearing a disc sack and causing a bulge in my L4 and L5. Nothing life threatening but serious enough to see me being there for nearly three weeks.

I was discharged Friday night and am now recooperating at home. As I am more or less confined to my bed, with short spurts of activity to see me to the bathroom and back to keep me from seizing up, I figured I had time to blog.

Plus North this year for me was a mixed bag. I had the benefit of knowing more people so I was able to hold my own better and felt more comfortable approaching people in conversation. I also had the added excitement of being selected to model for Curvissa and So Fabulous!

I didn't take ANY pictures over the weekend. There never seemed any time! So I've had to borrow a few.
Here is a snapshot from the So Fabulous catwalk.

image credit to bgpmagazine.co.uk

5th from the left.

No pictures but a video of the Curvissa catwalk taken from their Facebook


It was so wonderful to see so many rad fats all in one place and the only comments that were said were compliments. As I hinted at earlier the weekend was a mixed bag for me. On one hand I met some wonderful, confident, amazing fat people but couldn't help noticing that despite the promises of community there was a lot of snubbing going on, a lot of cliques that seemed impossible to navigate.
It seemed apparent that, with the exception of maybe one of two people, I ended up speaking to the same people I had met for the first time last year. I felt myself withdraw more from it, content to watch from the sidelines.
I did have the insane pleasure of meeting a mutal Tumblr follower from Scotland and we hit it off straight away! Luckily her friends were just as wonderful and with the terrible twosome of Lisa and Rachel in tow we all headed out for an insane amount of drinking and dancing on Saturday night. I felt a genuine sadness as I waved them a very tired goodbye.

So while I had some negatives, like the staff at the venue being incredibly rude and unhelpful, I feel blessed to have made some genuine friends.

I would like to make a note that while I feel there were some negatives to the event I am very grateful to the people who have worked so, so hard to make this happen year after year. I can't fathom the amount of time and effort put in and I am happy to be part of this fat community.

Every woman?

So recently Kelly Osbourne just announced her new clothing like Stories by KO. 

"I can finally reveal I am releasing my debut clothing line Stories by Kelly Osbourne next month! This has been 10 years in the making so to say I'm excited (and a little nervous) is an understatement. Stories...by Kelly Osbourne is for EVERY women, because I believe fashion should be fair! That's why every single piece will be in a size 0-24. Yes, you heard me! This is for you ALL! I'll be launching live on @hsn on September 25! I can't wait to see how you all create your own stories with my pieces! XO"

So, where to begin? 

I want to preface this by saying that I understand that another plus size range is obviously a step in the right direction. I get that. But can we just stop and just take stock a minute? 

"...is for EVERY women!"

Unless you're over a 24. Which a lot of fat people are. The way this is being presented is as if this is something revolutionary. A 24?! Way to go!!

Well..can I say..no. No, actually. This isn't inclusive at all. I can buy size 24 clothes in Asda for goodness sake. 24 is the cusp of acceptable fatness. You only have to read the comments on the Facebook photo to ascern how the general public feel about anyone bigger. 

When you have companies like Asos and Domino Dollhouse putting out some pretty on trend and quirky pieces in larger sizes I have to wonder what are we getting so excited about?

I don't think a lot of people appreciate how tough it is to be over a size 24 and to care about your apperance. Keeping up with fashion, or developing your own style, is a lot of hard work and dedication. You have to learn how to work a lot of basics. You work on accessorising because sometimes that's the best you've got. 

Truthfully I have maybe 5 stores I can shop at. Most of them online and overseas so there's additional shiopping/import tax costs to factor in. 

 Plus having an alternative style it can be even harder to accomodate for. 

Once again I will be watching from the sidelines as smaller fats get to dip their toe in the designer pool.

OOTD: Post festival blues but some good news!

So the last few months have been kind of hectic for me. I turned 28 at the beginning of July and spent the day in beautiful Brighton. I went home to visit the family a week later (of which I spent the majority in bed having pulled my back out. Sigh!)  and I've just returned from Cambridge Folk Festival following a week of lots of polka, jigging, fairylights, knee-slapping and a touch of rain.

So time to catch up with the world online.

So first things first I have been selected to model at the up coming Plus North event at the end of the month.

 As you can imgine I am very flattered and pretty excited. There's a ton of lovely ladies who will be strutting their stuff and I'm excited to be alongside them.

So onto my OOTD. A little homage to my summer holiday, a little piece of paradise in a country park.

I tend to avoid prints, colour, or pattern on my bottom half. I'm faithful to my leggings and mini skirt. But I've been going doolally for anything tropical and when I saw this skirt in Asda I was so excited to see it in my size. The material is so soft and light, perfect for roaming barefoot around the festival and the print is delicious to boot!

You can't see in the picture but there is a little slit up the side which gives it a little sexy Jessica Rabbit feel to it. The waist is elasticated so there's plenty of stretch. The length is perfect for me. I can comfortably wear this on my hips and it doesn't trail.

I teamed this with a simple vest because I didn't want to distract from the amazing colours. For a final tropical splash I wore my gorgeous Palm Bling earrings from Black Heart Creatives. I opted for the matte gold.

Handmade and totally stunning, they come beautifully boxed. A decent weight to them without feeling too heavy I can wear these all day without feeling irritated. I adore everything they have so picking one was hard (but best for my wallet!)

OOTD: Tutti Fruiti

The nights are getting lighter, the days are getting warmer. Time to get sleeveless and fearless. 

I spent many a year suffering under sleeves in hot summers. No more! 

Doing the job I do I don't opportunity to dress up and often feel so tired that on days off I just want something casual to wear to run errands. 

I picked up this juicy little number from my local New Look in the Inspire section. It's light and comfortable. There's a decent amount of room under the arms but it doesn't bag. 

The design is so cute and colourful and I don't have to compromise my comfort. 

I teamed it with a denim mini skirt, again from New Look (an eBay find. Apparently denim mini skirts are impossible to find.) 

Black plimsolls are also from New Look. Super cheap and comfy. 

I did splash a little femme on this and treated my lips to some MUA Luxe Lip Laquer in Reckless. I love these so much I bought another two. Goes on as a gloss and dries to matte. The colour is a deeper red than what I'd typically wear but the colour is rich and gorgeous. It has great lasting power although does need a re-application after a meal.

OOTD: Bank holiday sundae

The sun has been out! Can you believe it? It's been a hectic few months for me. I moved house and have been up to my neck in tins of this and that, boxes, paintbrushes and all that fun stuff. But now the days are getting warmer, I've started planting flowers now I have a garden and I'm curious to see how this new chapter works out.

So, the boy and I took a trip out to a local animal sanctuary to sample their vegan cafe menu and this is what I wore.

I was in my local Asda recently checking out their sale racks. Typically they had nothing in my size. Then I spotted this adorable blouse, which they also had in a lovely cornflower blue. Half price at only a fiver! Size 22. Damn. But it was too cute to pass up. If I could get it over my bust I was golden. Huzzah! Success!

The blouse is really doft and light but enough to keep you comfortable if a cool breeze kicks in. Very comfortable. Its cute enough to wear out on a day out, but also comfy enough to wear while running errands.
I've never worn shirts like this before and I'm kicking myself for it. Shirts abandoned as I got bigger are now wardrobe contenders again. I have another two super cute shirts that I plan on giving the knot treatment so eyes peeled.

If there's one thing I have it's hair accessories. A fail safe gift it seems as I have an overflowing boxful. This cutie was gifted but if memory serves its from Cupcakes and Chopsticks.

Necklace comes from Pieces of the Past. A total bargain at £3, I bought it at a local fat swap. Perfect length and amazing quality. Sadly Paula has decided to close the shop so grab a bargain while you can!

Finally have an excuse to wear my Vans. I'm a sucker for tropical print. Its a close second to my first love, polkadots. These are so comfy. Wearing them without socks isn't an issue.

Earrings are gifted.

OOTD:Charitable soul

Last month I took another visit back up to the wilds of the Lake District to visit my family. 

Now if there's one thing my home town has is charity shops and it was while I was browsing with my mum that I found this little cutie

Checking the label it seems to be from the TU range from Sainburys which made it even better because I've seen some of their knitwear going for £20.

Just a meagre £4 and it was my clutches!

£4? Are you sure?

You'll hear many bloggers expending the virtues of trying everything on and I have to agree. This jumper dress is a 22 and I normally wear a 24/26!

The material is so soft and excellent quality. Brown is not a colour I think I've ever owned but I love the mix of brown and blue with an almost festive pattern. 

Lipstick is MUA Luxe Velvet Lip Laquer in Funky

OOTD:Queen of Hearts

Life has a way of getting in the way of things, not to mention awful weather. So after forgetting my camera on my trip home for Christmas and the typical British winter weather battering my door I've been able to have a break from my hiatus with a little break in the rain. 

Like many people I did all of my Christmas shopping online and while looking for gifts for my nearest and dearest I ended up finding more for myself. Good old eBay!

It's a lovely, soft knitted affair with very vivid red hearts scattered across. It's very warm and has been a life saver, especially when visiting home for Christmas in the wilds of the North! 

If I had to give it some critisim I would say that it sometimes feels quite short in length. As I'm a busty gal it can ride up a bit but nothing that hinders comfort. 

I teamed it with my trusty jersey mini skirt from Asos, leggings from Evans and my Doc Martin boots. As the print is quite busy and eye-catching I wanted to keep it simple and swapped accessories for a splash of red lipstick, courtesy of MAC's Ruby Woo.