Friday, 23 January 2015


Not that I am the most prolific of bloggers but recently I have had no motivation or inspiration for anything. I'm still off sick from work and the financial implications of this are such that I am very limited on the things I can do. Going out the door usually means spending money in some capacity. Even if I'm not going into a shop if I want to go anywhere nice for a walk I'd have to drive to the destination first, which means petrol. Petrol costs money. Money I do not have.
It's also quite isolating as I haven't seen many people either.
So for the las couple of weeks I've thrown myself into my new Xbox game. I've spent considerable hours lost in another word with no motivation to rejoin my own.
But with that comes a huge sense of guilt. Mostly down to my inactivity. While I do feel the negative effects of it; fatigue and little appetite, there's also a sense of shame insofar as I feel that as a fat person I am obligated to prove I am a "good fatty". By this I mean, despite being fat, I don't live the sedentary lifestyle that is wrongly presumed of fat people.

I see in many online disputes that someone makes hateful comments towards fat people there is a wild assumption that they are lazy and wilfully inactive, and in turn this means they are a bad person.
There are many things wrong with this arguement, and in my mind I know this, but I guess it shows how easily, and deeply, we as fat people internalise a lot of self loathing based on nothing but other people's arbitary standards of humanity. 

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